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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Scott's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, August 27th, 2000
8:49 am
sigh
You know when you feel alone your more alone than you think. But still its that feeling. I feel lost in a way and i cant figure it out.
I hope i can start anew soon. Im going to miss my Lucky and its already killing me. Lucky is my companion she is my friend who loves me no matter what. I would say she is my dog but i could never own anything as wonderful as her. I think thats getting to me more than i could ever realsize.
I do want her with me but having a dog in the city is almost like torture on an animal. Its not natural for them to be locked up all the time they must have a yard to play in. My parents well keep her for the time being till i can figure something out.
In the mean time please think of something or pray. Anyways
Good luck and blessings to you all
Love
Scott
Thursday, August 24th, 2000
9:17 am
this is something i wrote in a nother journal
you know the more i get about in the world the more narrow minded people seem to be. I as a history major do feel remorse over the crimes of the past. But i can not change the past but to reacount what has occured to future generations. Weither or not that is acceptable to you or someone else is there dissision. Furthermore, I do hate to see the mistakes of the past repeated! We (as human beings) as far as we know are the most intelligent beings on the planet even thought (we) dont act as such!
As humans it is our duty reguardless of how one feels about it: to further the race as a whole. To bring people together. To end hatered, to stop violence, and to broading the understanding of the human mind.
Perhaps it is easy to sit and judge a nation and a people as a whole but in so doing you then elevate yourself above fallibility and we as mortal humans are fallible.
I do on occations may feel the need to critize many nations on decisions that are crucial for life on this small egg shape globe called earth. But also i do critize my country just as equaly. As i have said in the past i am only human and can only make a limited judgement but i will not just out and out make generalized statements about a people and why and how they are bad least not with out first examining my country and myself and looking deeply into my being to reconize that i to am only human.

I can honesly say i love people as much as some piss me off i still love them. I may not know much but i try to be my best. Just open your heart and understand you are on a small small planet and time is short so make the best of it. If not for yourself then for your family and friends.

Ulysses Scott Adkins

Well i was pissed at a comment someone wrote to this young lady and i had to address it.

Moving to New York on the 7th. Wheepee
take care kids
Monday, August 21st, 2000
12:05 am
been gone to long
Well in a few weeks im off to New York City. To seek my fame and fortune, Wish me luck. I dont think ill get famous. I just want to be popular enough to play coffee shops in the east side somewere. :)
thanks for reading.
take care
Scott
Wednesday, July 19th, 2000
7:02 am
Where do i begin
I know i have been gone a while but for good reason! I have finally been to NYC it is very very nice i loved it. Maybe in a Year or so ill move there. I dont know but its worth a shot. I have been in contact with a group so they are willing to give me a chance and so i am going to give it a shot. I will write all about my New York City experience in a few days Just trying to recouperate. Its a really fine place I love the diversity! and now i understand the reason why Jazz music exists!
Take care all
Love Scott
Tuesday, July 11th, 2000
12:22 am
the heat
Well, Today was intresting I was down in the market place today trying to get signatures for the Nader campaign we need 4000 signatures for the Virginia 6th congressional district by the 31st of the month.
Today i got 15 and a volunteer. I dont know how we are to get that many. And i plan on visiting Jen in New York next week.

I still need to get someone to watch Lucky.

I saw the movie the Patriot. It was ok on a scale of 1-10 i give it a 4 1/2 at most. They make the British out to be the most evil scum of the earth and they dont get the battle scenes right. But thats ok Movies are about escapism.
The fight scenes were ok but then there is Mel Gibsons girl friend in the movie! Wow if i was a blonde man then she'd be the one.

Ok thats enough of my hormones. But whats a single guy to do. Is it pathetic that a man goes to see a movie by himself?

Well thats about it for now. Oh did I write last time that I am eathing better now. Veggies for me now.

Ok, all take care and be well.

Scott
Thursday, July 6th, 2000
3:51 pm
Dateing/Relationships
Im beginning to worry my best friend in NYC is in a serious relationship with a man cosiderably older. Im not saying that that is a bad thing. Not at all but now another friend here in Virginia she told me that she is dating or wants to date someone older than me.
Let me tell you where this hook is. This is my philosophy but for most women it is easier to find a mate. Now i know that this is a broad generalization and that i know to make such statements is pretty narrow minded.
But the whole gender/maturity level differens between men and women are very very important. Everyone knows that women mature faster than men. Right. So im worried about that am i going to have to be im my late Thirties before i can have a serious relationship?
May that not happen. Either I will have to drag myself out into Roanokes night life (gag me). Actually try the want adds or do my third option which is to move to New York City and persue my dreams.
Oh my. Am I worried to much or what?
I got 2 cds in today Play by Moby and Pure Cult!
now you have to ask yourself niether of those two groups have anything in common and your right but there are a few songs that i like and i like to keep diverse.

Love to all my peeps
Scott
Wednesday, July 5th, 2000
9:31 pm
Searching
Today i went to two of the colleges here and the record stores and one music store to put up flyers needing a lead singer. Let me get it for you:

Looking for Vocalist to start group or duo.
Preferably female vocalist
Any music experience is welcome,
If you play an instrument a plus.
Looking for someone to help me to put music to lyrics and write original songs.

Musical influences are but not limited to:

The Nields, Dar Williams, The Kennedys, Eddie from Ohio, Kid Sister, The Indigo Girls, Ani Difranco some Liz Phair, Aimmee Mann
Any acoustic or folk rock adult contemporary



If interested Please call
Scott Adkins
or Email me at
MrUSA430@aol.com

Thanks
Scott

well what do you think. I have not heard anything yet but its only been one day. I hope someone good comes along. Someone who can breath life into a song. A song is more than just words and paper. Its feelings, emotion that express an idea.
I feel like i can do this i know i can! I can write poems i can write songs. Why not give it a shot!
I just need someone to help me iron them out.

Laters Taters
All my love
Tuesday, July 4th, 2000
9:52 am
ENO revistied!
Ok this is what I wrote when I was at the Eno festival;

July 2, 2000
At the Eno
Wonderful Weather. The trip from Roanoke took me a little over 2 hours. (Hey so I like to dive a little fast). I was happy to find Ralph Naders tent here and a former Roanoken here in charge of the North Carolina Green party! I helped to fold a couple of flyers.
This festival is in a park much like Mayberry Mill on the Blue Ridge Park Way. It has a few period buildings and around the music areas are outlined in venders selling their wares. Also are some informational booths, which is a very interesting bonus.
I never realized how flat the land is here in this part of North Carolina, and the amount of trees for this area, its just amazing.
The groups that I heard that I saw was a trio called Julee G Laub. They are from up north and play Traditional Celtic, Irish, English and Scottish songs.
But the Group I came to see was the Nields and man are they wonderful. All of them, not only do they sound wonderful in concert but they have a stage presence that is rearely matched! They truly have fun. I got to talk to them and helped them once to move their stuff I was in heaven. Though I probably was just another annoying fan. At least I felt that way.
Personally they are wonderful people each one of them makes you feel at ease and home for lack of a better word. All the Daves are wonderful I cant pick a favorite but Dave the basses reminds me of my roommate from college! Weird. But then again they kept asking me if they meet me before and unfortunately for me I have not.
What David Nield told me was that they played Roanoke in 94 and that was the first and last time that they will ever play Roanoke. Ok im holding back the tears but its quite understandable. Face it Roanoke you have no diverse musical taste. For most of the people living in Roanoke public radio is for the nerdy people well. There are much better groups than Lonard Skinnard. Please!
Of course there is Dar Williams Whom I much love and appreciate and who has opened me up to a much different variety of music. If it was not for listening to her then I would not have gotten into the Nields.
Music is what I want to do. I need to find someone who can sing and fast I need someone who is willing to help me put music to my lyrics. Maybe this is the reason I want to move to New York. Along with the fact that no one lives here.
Also at the Festival I found out the Dars New album is coming out August the 27 woo hoo! Everyone look for it if the store doesnt carry it order it or go to either www.nields.com or order it through amazon.com.
Dar is moving to the Hudson River valley. So that ends my suspicion that all musical talent was just centered in western Massachusetts.
The trip was well worth the 10 dollars, plus the 28 dollars I bought on Nields stuff and 3 dollars I gave for the charity raffle. And the five dollar donation for water preservation to get water saving devices for my spickets and showerheads and toilet. And the 5 dollar donation to the Green Party of North Carolina. Ok I spent 70 dollars that includes the gas to fill up moms car. It was a wonderful day.. Oh Im not including the stop at Hardees but that was like 5 bucks so $75. It was for a good cause!
Monday I went to Clator Lake with my father to visit his Aunt Vergie and Uncle Dale, his cousin Pete and his wife Brenda were there along with is Aunt Ruby. I had a wonderful time on the lake but it was really hard moving my father around. He has had a stroke and can hardly walk anymore.

That takes you up to right now.
I will write about today, Tomorrow!

Love you all
Scott
Sunday, July 2nd, 2000
10:20 pm
Eno
I will tell yo uall about it it was fablous but im just so tired. Ill write all about it on Monday or Tuesday cause monday i have to go out of town again.

Scott
Saturday, July 1st, 2000
10:40 am
ENO
Tommrow!!! I cant wait i have looked forward for this for so long. Now at last i can see the Band the Nields whom i have waited so long to see.

Hi everone I missed ya. Sorry i have not written anything i have been working and have not been able to sleep. Im tired but i cant sleep i need to get some herbal remidies or something.

Sent my friend Jen two Radford tee's my aunt the Nields Album "if you where here youd be home by now".
so many people i need to give gifts to and so little money.

They need to pay me more.

I will give a full report when i get back, maybe monday.

Love for all
Scott
Wednesday, June 28th, 2000
11:58 am
Please Check her out!
Ok Ok Ok i know the site has not been up dated for quite sometime but please visit her
get to know her.

She is one of a kind.

and i love her music
http://www.darwilliams.com/

Love to everyone
Scott
Tuesday, June 27th, 2000
4:07 pm
I love the comments from Doc
Yes i guess your right. The American dream wrapped up in christian values telling us we need to get married have kids and settle down. Thats good for some but what about me?

My Lucky Keeps my happy. Alot of the time
By the way Lucky is my companion. She is a 1 yr old Lab mix? Dont ask me what with but shes a runt she never got big. But in luckys world size doesn't really seem to matter. Maybe we should take some hints. And i dont mean this in any sexual way. I mean it in a broaden our mind kind of way.

1:18 am
Monday
Well today was not so bad. I got to spend sometime with my father! I dont really spend much quality time with him. I know i need to. But its this i like to be alone and indapendent thing of mine i dont know how else to put a finger on it. I like being alone in a strage way. Then again i would like to be in a relationship now also.. So I am confused.

You know whats really strange is when you go to your psychologist and he tells you that he cant help you. That if i even need help that im more than capable of looking it up on a book..
The one time i was trully happy letting out all my most personal secrets open to be analized and hoping for advice. When he tells you. You dont need my help. I dont want to sound like im whining that i have it good. But man.

Even for losing i still cant win.

Scott

Emmelou Harris has better songs but Joni Mitchell has the better voice i think.

Please leave comments

Monday, June 26th, 2000
1:15 am
Sorry i have been gone long
Sorry I have not written in a few days. I have been busy with helping move a friend (Ken) into his new home, which is really nice. Also I have been catching up on my sleep it seems that the days I work my dog is to restless and wont let me sleep I need to do something about it. But what I do not know.

My uncle had skin cancer that was successfully removed. All of you who think a nice golden tan looks good. Well you could be right but just think of the consequences of your actions Im really white and I dont tan even if I could I just dont have the skin for it.

Right now Im tired and just the thought of having to work yucky maybe Im lazy I have to take some pictures of a few houses and then check up on his rental property. Not my idea of fun on a day off but hey.

I have pondered this idea and didnt put it in my journal for a few days mainly because I forgot. I first want to say that I have neither in my possession. But why is Pot illegal and handguns legal? I have not heard of any deaths from pot but Im sure that there is some instance related to it. But I can be that they are no where near the amount that Handgun deaths that occur here in the United States. I bet that there is a website out there with the figures.

I have heard of someone drinking themselves to death but smoking up-to-death?

Anyhoo, This website can no longer afford to continue free so either I chose a sponsor or I need to pay 25 dollars a year which is not bad I prefer to pay 25 just to keep the monkey of coporate America off my back.

Remember WWW.Votenader.com

I went stargazing Saturday night and it was the prettiest thing that I have seen in a long time. I know my grammar is horrendous. But I have never recalled seeing galactic clusters so beautiful in my life. Im just in awe of nature. There are so many billions and billions of stars that there must be intelligent life other than us. There has to be.

I am also amazed at the level of light pollution that has grown from our small town. I can recall going up on the Blue Ridge Parkway at night and it being pitch black. But not anymore what has happened? Again corporate America working longer more hours, power companies leading you to believe that night lights are ok just so that they can make a profit off of you. Dont get me wrong but there is a need for safety lighting.

Its a shame what we do to the environment of this planet. To know the beauty of nature and then cut it down for the name of profit!

Well now Im on the path to educate myself some more. To see the universe. I just thought it so pretty. It truly takes your breath away. Im blessed to be in the position of life that I am.

Take care of yourselves

Scott
Thursday, June 22nd, 2000
8:08 am
Poetry? Work? I cant think of a good subject
Work was as usual. Just that. But i feel that everyone needs to work like the 3rd shift once in their life. Just to see how strange people really are!

Anyway I will try and keep this short. I have entered a poetry contest and can you believe it made the semi-finalist round. Now i dont know how legit it is. Has anyone ever heard of Poetry.com? well they must do something cause they publish a book with all the poems they select.
Anyway i must send in my signature authenticating my work.
the poem is called God's Dream
let me dig it up and reprint it for all of you.

Do gods dream?
Eternally awake, eternally asleep. Constantly thinking while at the same time knowing all. Always close as also being distant all at the same time.
In any and all realms at once and never being unsure of were they are.
Always in constant action as well as continual rest. Never ending never ceasing.
Continually moving, eternally, as well as never changing, unmoved, eternally.
What is it like to be a God? Do they dream, can they have a thought while at the same time already have known it?
Do you have the ability to believe any more? Will not unending knowledge take away all doubts. No fears, cares? Can you care? What do you do with all the answers?
Is a mortal existence a better one than a gods?
Maybe in a gods dream.

They must be pretty bad for poetry this year to accept me... I feel like Mark Twain. I dont want to be in any book that would have me as a participant.

They want me to write a profile... man talk about work sheehs. But hey if i pay them 49.95 i can get the book with my poem in it! woo hoo!

Maybe I was to harsh on all the scopios last night. If i have offened any please i mean no mind just that these are thoughts.

What else... i know that there is something else!! ENO July 2nd i get to see the Nields that i missed when i went to Ann Arbor.

Oh still looking for people who want to get a band or write music... Man this is hard.

thank you all

scott
Wednesday, June 21st, 2000
6:14 am
P.S. one more thing
Check out this site also
http://www.darksky.org/

Your Opinion time again

Bjork or Tori Amos

Who can be more creative?

Please vote:
5:18 am
Lonely life
Well the day time is nightime for me. So once again have stayed up. While all my fiends sleep I am awake. Which makes me a Vampire... I hope to be an Anne Rice Vampire one with a conscience. Not just a dead blood craving creature. :) I like being wierd. The only problem that I face is the fact that their is not many other wierdos out there. That being said. I feel alone. Being up at 3 or 4 in the morning. It makes for wonderful shopping at Walmart but anyother place no. Maybe i should seriously consider Moving to New York or someplace very close so when im off i can say active. Working nites does have its draw backs on of them is the ablity to be awake during the day. Friends, natural sleep patterns, Relationships. If only.
Let me touch upon this... I have found out or figured out. That maybe your birthsigns do have something to do with it? Or I could say that possibly that maybe I have not dated enought?
But getting back maybe Scorpios are not a match for Taraus because of their sexual aggressiveness. Not saying i dont like sex, just ask anyone one how knows me! But i think im more "shy" about it.. yes i can talk the talk but getting to the bedroom maybe something else. Shy about trying new things. or carring them out. Dont get me wrong if there is someone who i am really turn on with i get really well aggressive? or forward.
This gets back to maybe I have not really had many steady girlfriends in the fact you can not make a general statement about Scorpions. Well never having a relationship lasting more than 3 months... Do i need to look inside myself more?
I think it comes from the sense that i have not had a stable job until now. In this society money plays an immense part of our life. It absorbs eveything... Your life your style. you need money to do everything to suvrive in a "civil" society. What a "civil" society we have carring around weapons that kill. Oh thats just another subjuct that i could just ramble on about (Handguns).
What is life now its enslavement, enslavement that is folded upon itself. We all work in factorys of some sort or another and use what meager earnings to survive, paybills to the large corporations... and then whats left over try and save it for some modern convience like possibly a TV or computer.. which we demand. this leaves at least jobs but we need jobs so the money will go right back to the large corporations that they are earned from. Its just a cycle overly simplified here, but one nonetheless.
we will be a world dominated by corporate governments. Maybe countrys will still be together but they will be run by economic powers not by idealisms. All fighting for a larger slice of the economic pie. To pull money and resorces away from weak areas to make them stronger. (trade)
Life should be enjoyed Governments should be fighting for the interest of the individual Freedom to live without the enslaving yoke of coporative labor practices. Government owned factories to out put products. Increase vacation times and better health provisions.
People should be loved and cared for we are a "modern" society. We have all the knowlage of the 21st century. What is wrong with us?
We have slipped back to the 19th.
If no one speaks up who will?

Oh a different note the Astronomy Club is more conscientious than i thought (for the republicans out there the Webster's Dictionary defines Conscientious: Honest; scrupulous; careful.) for they are in the preservation of the night. More and more of the night sky is becomming brighter and brighter. We are losing something else of our natural environment (What else is new, republicans take note). As i said more and more of the nights sky is being taken away by the bright lights of say gas stations, auto dealerships, shoppings centers of the like... now as you know these lights are for safety. An I at first thought that how can you do away with outdoor night lighting it is so nessary for safety. Well there are ways to cut down on the light pollution that invades the night sky. Shield the top and sides of the light so that the light is directed right to the area it is supposed to light. Secondly Sodium light bulbs that are much better and cheaper to operate than standard bulbs but the Electic coporations would never tell you that because they do not make any money... They want you to buy the 175 watt bulbs to burn all night really bright. Direct your lights make it at the areas you need. A light just shining in a spot just creates shadows. It is not directed on an area where you need it to be shown.
For more information please check out this website.
http://www.dark-skies.freeserve.co.uk/

well it is 6:11 am here.
I have a lot on my mind.
I want to write it all down.
But you need a rest.
Thank you for stopping in.
Scott

Tuesday, June 20th, 2000
9:34 pm
oh one more thing
Vote Time who rocks the more, not per se whos the better rocker cause i love both. But Between Ani Defranco and Liz Phair who rocks more... My vote goes to Lis.. i think she rocks more.
Please leave a comment; if your unsure let me know.
oh and i love ani's song To The Teeth.

Later Taters
Scott
9:23 pm
Late Night Shopping
Im telling you there is nothing better than being in Wallmart at 3:00 am. Its wonderful there is no one there shopping so you can pretty much get away with what you want.. Now if i could aford sea food then i would be out of luck cause that part is closed. But its neat watching the shelves getting restocked. I stayed up all night long its great i like it. I got up at 5 this afternoon, Mowed a lawn for my father and came home. You can punish me cause i stopped at McDonads and got some chicken Nuggets I know they are bad for me and i got a coke even worse. and i Know im supporting a large corporation.
and im killing myself with fake food. thats deep fried but i had a craving and i have no control over myself..
I have been extreamly lazy lately i havent play my guitar in a long time i need to take a day and just sit and play and play..
thats all for now see ya later
Scott
Monday, June 19th, 2000
10:37 pm
Stargazing
Well tonight i went to my first Astronomy club meeting. Now i know what eveyone thinks Astronomy: Nerd alert!! wait and here me out.
This is something that i want to broaden my horizions. Something new and different. To look out at the distant stars, to sit and watch the stars... sigh.. well anyway i meet some really interesting people. Some who have actually been to the Festival of the Eno!!! Im so amazed at the things here in Roanoke! Well I bought a Michelle Shocked and Ani Defrancos newest album plus i sent my aunt a Nields CD so she will be interested in them and never make me miss another Nields concert again .... long story maybe some time I will tell you. The Nields will be at the ENO and i wont miss them there!!!
After the meeting i went to a local Coffee shop and had a chocolate cake of some sort and Iced Moca it was quite good. But unlike star bucks they didnt have soy milk so i had to have regular milk but i did get the low fat? that really doent make much of a difference does it? oh well
i try.
Take Care tonight
Scott
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